Active-duty Army SGM admits to strangling spouse

First it was irritating, then it was confusing. My husband would do hateful things; especially while he was drinking. I would go to him the next day, while he was sober to have an adult conversation with him about what happened and resolve it. It was rare that he would ever actually participate as an adult in a mature relationship – normally he would deflect to tell me all of the things I have ever done wrong, tell me that I was confused and lying – that it was actually me that was doing those things, create an entirely new story, or explain why I made him have to punish me in that manner. At first, it is very confusing, because – why would he make up something? Why would he lie? If I had been drinking alcohol too, I really began to question if I had it all wrong and I was the crazy one.

It really is difficult to explain how this type of manipulation really does change how you think. I remember being out of the house and with my parents and I would catch myself lost in thought trying to remember the time that the Honolulu Police Department had to be called to my home for domestic violence because I was attacking my husband. Like – WHAT? I totally know that NEVER happened, but my husband reported this to the police he called to our house in El Paso. Why lie about that? Does he not think that the police in El Paso will be able to quickly confirm that and know he is a liar? It must have happened if he feels that confident to lie to police. When did that happen? What could it have been?

No. No. No! I know very clearly that never happened and I have never attacked my husband. I know that he lied, yet I found myself in thought for months trying to remember when that was – believing him – because he had warped my mind so much after eight years.

Beginning to record my husband, so that I could review it the next morning and KNOW with proof that it wasn’t me and what I was experiencing was real, was a game changer. He manipulated me for eight years, why wouldn’t he be able to do the same to those outside of our relationship. My videos and photos – without them – my truth would never be coming to light.

This is just another night of my husband trying to recreate a story – so he didn’t give me the black eye, but he did leave the bruises around my neck. It was and is exhausting to keep up with his lies.