Struggling: trauma, identity, purpose

One of the reasons I wanted to make this website was to show the raw and real moments that someone experiencing trauma is living through behind the curtains of what they show.

For me, one, I believe that everyone is struggling with their own loads in life and I do not want to be someone in their life that does anything but adds support, love, and happiness. I never want to be one more burden on them. Next, when I do open up about what I want or need to those closest to me, it’s not met with open arms and I end up leaving the conversation feeling more deflated and lost. Third, I’m only just understanding and learning what I was experiencing and am experiencing – so, it’s hard to express what there are not words or understanding for from myself yet.

Another reason, I’m happy I decided to video journal. I’m writing this post almost three months from that video. It had been educational to circle back around to these feelings in some of these videos with more knowledge, more peace, more clarity. I hope that this video will let others see that you can crumble and question yourself, and that you aren’t alone in that feeling. There are so many of us who have been there, are still there, and who are stepping in and out of that place. For those who have family members struggling – maybe this video will help you see the battles going on in their own head – you can see that within 8 minutes, multiple large issues pop into my head that I’m working through alone.

This video is exactly why this website is called, “without grace” – this is not a pretty journey.