Airing dirty laundry?

Man, oh man, this website is always popping into my brain to toss me a bit of anxiety each day. I struggle often with how I want this website to function, what is helpful versus what is just hatefulness, and so much more.

I would imagine almost everyone in their lifetime have had terrible things happen, great friends stab them in the back, and overall disgusting and unfair bullshit dealt them at the hands of another person. I think we are judged on how we handle those trials in life, and we respect the people who can turn the other cheek, who can look the other way, let God do the judging and punishing, and so on.

If you are a close friend or family member of mine, you may have heard odds and ends of things that have happened or been at the other end of a beer-infused bitching session about someone one night. What I would never do – is air anyone’s bad behavior or dirty laundry in a public forum – or even really to a close friend. Yet, here I am with an entire website.

The site is constantly evolving, and I am constantly asking myself what my intentions are with each post and each decision. A huge part of me wants to remove the “Video Journal” section and to remove any personal items that may show my ex-husband in a poor light (or even me in a poor light). But, I keep them in their places for now; because, a large part of this website and its name was to encourage myself and others to be fully present in what is happening and to not spend precious mental and physical energy trying to decide how to protect others’ feelings. Those “others” were never, are not, and will never be doing the same for you. Will there be posts that I make that are out of line? I’m sure. Will there be a video that is completely cringe and blind to the struggles of others experiencing so much worse with so much less? Again, I’m sure. But I go back to – these are and will be the honest, raw, in the moment struggles I was experiencing in my journey. They are going to be cringe at times, they are going to be self-absorbed at times, they are going to be ugly at times too, I’m sure. But that is what this site is about – not worrying about how you can be graceful and considerate to the people who traumatized and harmed you and systems that continue to brutalize you because they refuse to educate, grow, and evolve with the world around them.

GWG is a place to be raw, to be rough on the edges, to stumble on words and thoughts and through feelings. Here’s the thing though, I enjoy educating myself and growing mentally and spiritually. I am always reviewing past actions and trying to learn and grow and see the world through all lenses. I’m happy to come back to items on this website, see a place for growth and readdress it.

I’ve been relying on “my gut” for a lot of this process – what feels right and what feels wrong. There is a lot of anxious feelings with being vulnerable and being scared, but at the end of the day – they are truths, which always sits well with my gut, heart, soul, and mind.

So, I hope that others who are experiencing trauma are kind and forgiving to themselves when being vulnerable, honest, and open. I hope that those watching family, friends, acquaintances go through and work through traumas are kind and forgiving to them as well if they are not “behaving” as gracefully and tactfully as our society requires and likes.