Anger is often a warning system it tells us something is wrong

A lot of days are shocking, overwhelming, confusing. I have trouble focusing on the task at hand. I have trouble falling asleep and getting back to sleep if I wake in the night. All I want to do, is to shut my brain off. I want to be able to sit and focus on research for an article, I want to be able to watch a television show, I want to be able to focus on the conversation I am having, I want to be able to remember to think of God and pray each day, and…I want to be able to complete a simple article …

…but my brain will not calm; it will not stop reliving these injustices. It’s not just thoughts, but so much anger ;and that emotion is also a shot of adrenalin through my body raising me from bed, sending me pacing around the room at 3am. How to dull that anger and to make my brain move on to something less upsetting is my constant challenge.

I want to go to the store and grab some wine and drown out my thoughts and knock myself out. I want to yell or toss something through a window; I want it to just move on! Because drowning my thoughts in alcohol, yelling, and breaking things will only stop the anger in the moment (or possibly exacerbate it) – I’m forever trying to work out how to get this feeling resolved; or at least to a place where it is not impeding on my daily actions.

I was reminded of a gift my sister gave me after I escaped to Virginia from El Paso, “Better than Yesterday”. It contains 365 daily challenge cards that “encourage you to step out of your comfort and do something new each day.” I had pulled my first card from the set two days ago and promptly put it back in the deck after it asked me to walk 10,000 steps. My second pull was to set time aside to do a guided meditation. Meditation is something that I have tried in the past but struggled to calm my thoughts. It’s something that I still hope to be able to master.

About a year ago, when things were coming to a head with my husband and he was telling me I was the issue, I bought self-help books to fix all of the problems he told me that I was; and I bought into the Calm app to do the same.

Since purchasing the app, it has played an important role in my daily life for this past year – mostly for the soundscapes to drown out the noises that drive me up a wall, or the sleep stories to quiet my brain for bed. Today, I used it for the guided meditation to see if it could calm the anger that was keeping me from relaxing and focusing on tasks that I wanted to complete.

It was a ten-minute meditation. At first I was irritated because I didn’t want to sit the way they asked. Then I was bothered because focusing on my breathing was causing labored breathing But then, I settled in on some of the words.

I’m certain I did not follow the meditation as it was meant to be followed, but I was able to quiet the other thoughts and focus on the narrator. After ten minutes, my anger is gone, my drive to get an article complete and to continue to review my intentions, actions, and ability to evaluative, grow, and change are back to the foreground. Next time, I will try and think to use the app quicker – when the feelings are just starting to eek in.

Outside of it being a ten-minute moment to focus my thoughts – it was actually some really great food for thought for everyone. I wanted to share what was in the daily meditation by author and narrator, Tamara Levitt, via the Calm App.

“Anger is often a warning system it tells us something is wrong. It alerts us that we feel threatened. It tells us that we feel vulnerable or in danger. It’s our wanting for something to be different than it is…often for good reason. So now, holding that experience of anger; ask yourself, “what was I afraid of in that moment?”

If we look deep enough, we always find fear. Our fear may reveal vulnerabilities or insecurities. Maybe we’re afraid that a situation at work could threaten our job security. Or that our partners choice may cause turbulence for the relationship. Or that someone’s negligent driving could put our safety at risk.

See if you notice that underlying fear in your body now. Where is it felt? How does it feel?

Both fear and anger warrant our attention and care, we must look at it, hold it, stay with objectively and compassionately for it to be a value. So now, recalling that underlying fear expressed as anger, try asking what your fear needs. What is it asking for? Are steps available to address it? Are you able to take them? Can you tend to your fear?

Now notice if imagining attending to your fear helps create a softening?

And, finally acknowledging the courage it takes to face difficult emotions; take a moment to send to yourself some gentle waves of loving kindness.

As author and essayist James Baldwin said, ‘not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed that is not faced.’”

I know! That was a load to reflect on in just a few words. I look forward to spending some time with these thoughts and using them to evaluate my intentions with my current goals and with GWG.

I hope they gave you some peace and direction.

Although, I got this from the paid Calm app, Tamara has a large internet presence and on YouTube as well.

The Better than Yesterday cards can be found on Amazon for less than $15.