Relating to “nuggets” in others’ experiences.

I’ve been in wet, wild, wonderful West Virginia visiting family with my mother over Mother’s Day weekend. This means we stay with my Aunt Aly and that my mom and I share a bed. I had come to bed early to work some on an email to my lawyer for my divorce while the sisters sat out and chatted and took “walks” around the inside rooms of the house to “get their steps in”. lol.

I had just searched “domestic violence” into my podcast app a couple of nights earlier when I wasn’t sleeping to listen to while I tried to nod off. One of the ones that I had tried to listen to but didn’t hook me at the start that particular night was, “2 Cops 1 Donut” (I’ll link everything at the bottom). The premise of this podcast is police officers trying to get multiple sides of how any situation can be experienced – seen and felt from events that involve police and to help educate the average civilian to other police officers and the hosts themselves. The episode of interest for me was, “Is Police Training Harming Domestic Violence Survivors?” interviewing Dr. Nancy Bordelon and Yvonne Harrison from “Two Girls and a Napkin” (DO NOT, and I repeat, do not search “Two Girls and ONE Napkin”, it’s a totally different show).

Nancy is a Toxicologist and Yvonne is a Senior VP of a bank, both in Dallas/Ft. Worth Texas. Both educated, great careers, no children, family and friend support; yet both found themselves in abusive relationships and both found issues with our criminal justice system.

I’m glad that I found my way back to this podcast, because while it was playing in the background, I tuned in when I heard Yvonne talking about her experience with the First Responders and how they determined who the primary agressor was and the charges they decided to levy against her and the new traumas that causes. It was very nearly my story word-for-word. The podcast is over two hours long and there is definitely some fat you can cut off at the start where they are shooting the breeze and settling in for the show. I’ve since gone back to list to it a second time, but this time on the show’s YouTube channel so that I could focus better by seeing vs solely listening. I loved that they referred to “nuggets”. The two women said that a larger part of starting their blog was to help tell the stories of victims and survivors. They wanted a place where people could go and find something, somewhere, in a story that resonated with them and either helped them to see they are currently in an abusive relationship and it is not normal or okay; or that what they did experience in a past relationship was abuse and it was not normal or okay.

I am here to attest that finding a “nugget” from Yvonne’s story in a two and a half hour podcast is inspiring and peaceful. In my particular circumstance, I spend so much of my time trying to explain and justify others’ actions and finding fault in mine. Like, honestly, I’m over here almost abusing and traumatizing myself – and a lot of that is because I don’t fit this “perfect victim” mold from movies and from what people want to hear in order for you to be validated.

It was a weight off my shoulders to hear that the police also did the same to her, because, why would four police officers and their supervisor not believe me and not only not believe me – but trump-up charges to purposefully cause me more damage. That alone is mind-bending and paralyzing. Then to hear that she is still doing well in her career, that she is here speaking with this police officer who validates her story and trauma, and that she is working with a congressperson who thinks this is also absurd and wants to help fix this break in the system – it provided me with an energized and peaceful feeling that is hard to come by these days for myself.

I think that a good take-away is that more people do need to come out with their stories. Education is always the key. Keep telling your experiences – whether they lasted for years, or you identified it right off the bat and walked away. Finding someone in a similar situation with similar backgrounds and experiences provides power. I know there are so many out there keeping it to themselves, because the second I posted simply a picture of my beaten face – people came out of the woodwork to message me and tell me their experiences. It’s not shameful. You don’t have to be defined by your experience, but tell it.

References:

• 2 cops 1 donut (YouTube link for ep. 99)
• 2 cops 1 donut (webpage)
• two girls and a napkin (webpage)